either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
My dad is sitting where you rode me
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
