I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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