There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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