If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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