She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
