I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Randomize
