Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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