Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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