So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
