I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
