so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I know her cup size but not her name....
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
