a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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