I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
