Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
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