i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
