If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
