Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
