Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize