Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
