Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
