It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
