I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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