so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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