I wish I could teleport
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize