i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
a search helicopter?!
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
