I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
