I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
