my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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