Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
