If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
