she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
