why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
