awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
