You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
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Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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