cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I queefed so loud it echoed.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
