I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
