So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
