I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
organizing the empties. That sober.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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