Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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