Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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