I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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