youre lurking in front of me
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Drunk is a universal language darling
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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