i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
