either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
