I just pynch a tree in the face
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
