im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
handjob tips. give me some.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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