I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
