I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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