i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can't turn off my feet"
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
