I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
