I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Randomize
