Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Every concussion has its silver lining
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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