So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
