I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize