i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
