Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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