Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
