I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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