i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
