The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
