i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
