john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
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There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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