Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My vagina just clenched in fear
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
