I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
