i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
