idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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