Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
