my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Randomize
