farters have to be the big spoon...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
