I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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