I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
