He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
