They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
