At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
