where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
