Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
