U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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