barbara walters just said penis...
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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