She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
