I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
