You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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